OF DIRTY POLITICIANS AND TELEVISION

Thinking we have lost it all

We walk towards death

While slowly a ticking clock takes us

Away from whats best

Alive alive in happiness

Alive alive when all is less

We walk towards death

Hadn’t thought long ago

That mind would play such games

It would takes us away from

Away from whats best

When people in the television

Made a whole Generation mad

They played their games

To control the man from his progress

A whole generation destroyed by

This dirty television ,

like politicians –

We started alighning with what was best for us

Dirty pliticians , rascal guys who made

My generation worst

Thinking we have lost it all

We walk towards death

While slowly a ticking clock takes us

Away from what is best

Advertisements

AN ESCAPE THROUGH DARKNESS

It had not stopped , until and unless the little sounds trickled through again , with a little amazement he looked at the suspicion which arose out of the slight pain in his head and the feeling of nausea, a little pain in the stomach , and a little feeling of something not being alright , he tried to focus but nothing seemed alright , nothing went through to the point where it felt alright.

” There you are ” he looked at his left and nothing looked like it would envelope him into a secure position , a secure position what is a secure position , he thought again while some more thoughts accompanied these thoughts and there was a cacophony of confusion , ” man i should get up ” he finally got up and walked about until he felt a need to sit and he sat again ,what can have happened , why should it all be so confusing , THE BREAK came and he catched his breath finally holding on to the list of work left , but  still the bloody mind would not slow down , the anxiety deepened with each terror which was to come  .

 

THE UNNAMED PASSION

He must have been a long while staring at the screen without a reason , but , only a few minutes before he had lain spent over the computer table again feeling ashamed of his actions.

He felt for movement outside the room there was no one, in his shame incubated like a monster he lay , full of thoughts which speeded the blood flow in his veins which pulled him towards the soft satiny feeling of warmth and passion all the while , but the images were so hooking and even the feeling which it generated  were so outlandish that nothing could have prevented him from coming to it , he resisted at times , but sometimes the feelings compelled him , but those were the times when he told himself that it was ok and he could go ahead .

” P” His mother shouted from the kitchen downstairs , he raised his head from the table his un-energetic body sat there like a stone unable to move , by this time his mother had started to create a ruckus downstairs , because there was no answer from him , she was talking to herself saying that  he was an unkind child , and that , he was a monster , he raised himself up finally from the chair on which he was sitting and walked towards the door and opened it , now lay a task before him  which like every time had become a habit of his , to go downstairs and face his mother, and try to be normal while his conscience pointed at the man he was and his actions which had become a serious obsession .

She looked at him and asked why it took him so long , there was no answer , but  making a slight effort  he said that he was busy reading and that had slept off only to be awakened by her voice , she said its OK  and told him to get a packet of sugar from the general store , when he returned from the shop , he kept the packet on the dining table in the front room and walked the stairs to his room upstairs .

The vacuum which envoloped him and the room , a huge vacuum which pulled him every time , filled with false promises and excitement it only led to a shame , a shame mixed with feeling of isolation and pity , it was weird what pulled him towards the computer screen everyday , which made his pulse rush so fast and which felt like a current rushing through his body  , the images were so soft and friendly  , they strongle pulled those isolated feeling all together at once like a huge ball which contained all good things one could expect , but once it was all over – the ball would disappear into the air as if it had been just a dream , it all fell so crushingly as if falling from a great height .

But now he was a little more determined this time , he would definitely test his patience and no temptations could sedate him now , and in this conviction , he sat down to read  , he took from the paragraph where he had stopped and once again deliberately pulled all his focus on the book, But forgetting wasn’t so easy , as once those crushed energy revived themselves back together , the images came  rushing back to his mind, that he would be forced to keep up with the book , and re double his focus on it , but this sudden rush of energy was so enthusiastic , that all other things seemed so small compared to it , after all it was a matter of enthusiasm, the peculiar rush like a fantastic current running through ones body . Would each and everyone leave their daily duties to be dazzled by this energy ,after all it was so addictive  , he kept his book aside and thought for a moment , he was stumbled by the race of thoughts both negative and positive one pulled him towards the Monitor  the other away from it .

But would one rapid glace would do any harm , after all it was just for fun , it wont be anything physical , he kept inching towards the computer screen , when suddenly something ticked inside, he walked back and sat on the sofa , what an exasperatingly lazy and lonely guy he was , he had no freinds , and thoughts of passion forced through his life , he rubbed his hair and thought again about the step he was going to take, and  also thought of where he was leading himself to , and that the journey on that path had no U Turn , that once dirt trickles in , it always stays it can only be submerged by positivity and will power , and in his case both were so low at his disposal.

He closed his eyes and lead his thoughts through all those images which were just a creation of this dirty habit he had acquired a few years back ( no it was not few , but almost 10 years back ) his classmates who come to his house after the last exam , circled around the computer screen , and were aroused by those images , it was not he but they who were to be blamed they had introduced him to something he had not known till that moment , and it was extremely dirty and penetratingly shameful , what could someone gain from looking at those images . It was just the feeling which ran through one’s body something so soft .

THE BELL WAS RINGING AND SOMEONE WENT TO ANSWER IT …. , he was sitting right infront of the computer and he could feel his heart beating fast and fast as he began to make his approach, it was cut short by the noise outside the room , someone came in , he froze and kept looking at the computer screen, but no one came in , even slight steps took the breath out of him , he stopped , and looked back ,the door was comfortably shut , its wooden gloss , took the life out of him , and he felt for something in his body it was the rush of passion and beauty , he controlled himself for a while but could not do it all together something told him to stop , but everything else  in his body , in his mind  ran towards this passion this beauty which was substantial enough to knock all life out of one’s senses .

But he couldn’t control himself now he had to do something either run or submit , either be ashamed or brave it up , he forcefully got up from his seat and walked towards the toilet and inside on the mirror looked at himself , and pitied for something , something which was not visible now to him , which was there some where lost in something , lost in all his passions and unbelief , lost in this loneliness , lost in this vacancy which was his life , his unbelief towards life exaggerated explosively at such moments , when they appeared bigger more bigger than anything else.

There was a slight movement of the door a whirrrrrrr he ran his hands over his face and his mother called out to him ” P ” .

A LETTER FROM THE DEAD

I

It was abrupt that things had come to such an end , they were all collected right outside his home , a group of people dressed in black  and some dressed in white  , it was the way people dressed to a house which had just seen the passing away of one of its members . Mr. M was a nice guy , but it was a ritual that once he began to drink there was no night or day for him

Mr M also had been a round the clock smoker ,his lungs  had given up on him and he was getting his Oxygen through a cylinder, which stood next to his bed  , his wife fed up would sit all day outside their home  talking to her neighbors , about the sad condition of her husband , and how it had emotionally torn her up ‘’I don’t know what I would do without him ” she would say hiding her eyes behind her thick cotton scarf pretending to weep,  at times her brother would turn up supervising all the work at home  due to Mr M’s sick condition , though nobody said anything , but it was easy to point out the hypocricy behind it all

It was an abrupt ending to the poor guy Mr M had lived in Dubai for more than 10 years , but had suddenly returned , earning Lakhs with his hard work , he brought back to Delhi all of it  , Mr M  would stand at the  balcony all day long  stumbling on his feet , and waving out to all those who passed by the road  , and when P sometimes met him at the departmental store he would hug him , and tell the departmental store owner with a  smell of whisky from his mouth “ this is my son “ meaning that P was like a son who was not born to him

“ I had been telling you for the last few days please go and meet the poor guy’’ P’s father said while driving the car “ but see now he is no more , you could have spared an evening for him “

“ I am sorry dad’’

Mr. M’s wife was standing outside while a group of men went in to perform the final rites , they took his body away to be burned at the Faridabad crematorium , P’s father had to skip a business trip to Chandigarh for him , after all he was the only guy who had been so useful to P’s father when P’s grandmother had passed away.

II

A few days passed , when suddenly one day there was a car parked outside P’s home , it was Mr. M’s  son Junior M  he was shifting to this house along with his wife , a woman who was unbearably beautiful and a childhood friend of  Junior M’S Sister , She began to weep as soon as she saw Mrs. M  , all up in arms about how she missed Mr. M , All the neighbors were out by then looking at the scenery playing out and some evenly sympathized with the family’s loss it was clear that what was about to happen had something really bad for Mrs M , after a few weeks Each Day there would loud noises of shouting coming out of the house  .

Mrs M And her daughter in law had not been keeping well with each other  , it began with small things like dinner – was Mrs M to  Cook it or her educated  daughter In law who protested she wouldn’t  , and her son stood like a slave always in support of his wife , Mrs. M would protest to this and would go on without food for hours , when suddenly one Wednesday evening they threw her out of  her own house together her  son and the daughter in law , she sat crying loudly right on the middle of the road ,shouting out her husbands name intermittently  and how he would have took it all to see his own son throw her  out of her house  , the whole neighborhood had collected itself outside by then , but nobody came to Mrs. M’S help some even said  that it was good what had happened to her , and that her husband’s ghost was out for revenge, a husband who had given her all the luxuries she needed, only to be left neglected by her on his deathbed .

P came out  and stood wondering how things had changed , when Mr M was alive he had always wished to visit him , and sit and chat with him just to listen to whatever would come out his good humored intoxicated  tongue , and now after Mr M had passed away the whole house looked like a shadow of death,  Things had come to such an abrupt end  .

III

Mrs M couldn’t figure out what to do or who to call , she was all alone in the darkness of the night she called out to a few passerby’s who were her old neighbors but no one responded , they all looked at her said something or laughed  , some old men admired her ripe figure,

“oh what a misery “ she held her head in a state of agitation wishing to die and not having the strength she  lay down on the curbside , a few cars sped by the road in the middle of the night , the strong light disturbed her pitiful sleep , but waking would be more terrifying as it jolted her out of something, something in which she felt secure .

When the morning came she was woken up by a vigorous shaking of her leg “ oh leave me please , I beg you “

It was the sweeper  he looked at her and  ,sat down by her side , they both looked at each other for a while , Mrs M confused collected herself and then hid her face from him looking towards her right , but when she looked at her right there were more known faces , they all looked at her but nobody came as close to her as the sweeper .

“ don’t sit so close please “ she begged him “ people are looking “

“ so what  ? are you ashamed ? , at least I came and sat next to you these people look at them they wont even come near  you , aren’t these the same people who used to sit with you all through the day , drink your tea and eat the biscuits served right from your kitchen , and now look at them “ he paused for  a while , while he took out a five rupee coin from his pocket and gave it to Mrs M “ Take it It’s a token of thanks for all the cups of tea you served me “ he opened her tightly closed hand and placed the 5 rupee coin right onto  it

She felt that as life had brought her to such a pity she should as well accept the things which were happening to her , she opened her hands and there right in the middle of it was the 5 Rupee coin , what was she to do with it , keep it or throw it .

The sweeper was sitting right next to her , his proximity brought back to her the solemn confidence of shelter of a home which she had a day back before being thrown out of it by her own son , the scavenger was getting up to leave

“  please don’t go “ she pleaded “ please don’t leave me I don’t have anyone else and I am hungry too what will I buy with this five rupee coin ?” she seemed so helpless that the sweeper again sat next to her  “ it gets so dark at night “

“  madam , what can I do , see this pocket it is empty with the money the municipality pays me , I am unable to feed myself even once a day , it was sometimes your tea or sometimes Yes I remember , yes I remember” he paused for a while and a beauty filled his thickly bearded face ” yes it was Mr M, i wish we had more people like him alive ” he paused again and with a sudden impulse grabbed Mrs M’s hand and snatched the 5 rupee coin from her , he ran towards the chaiwala who was selling tea nearby , and  gave him the 5 rupee coin taking a cup of tea from him and ran back to Mrs M who was all this time wondering what he was upto .

He came and stood next to her and gave her the cup of tea and reverentially added  ” If I can do anything else for you Madam ” Mrs M sipped the cup of tea  ” How could I have been so blind , your husband was a god , he was such a good man , oh i wish i wish more men like him …….” and he stopped short ,out of words and energy , she got up and gulped down the whole tea in a go “I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday she said and walked to the chaiwala ” The chaiwala seeing her come and most of all the shabby clothes in which she was dressed waved at her angrily , telling her not to come near  , hesitatingly she took small small steps towards the teashop , and seeing that he was no more noticing her , she sat on a low and expansive stool which was placed to the left of the  teashop, looking at the person who sat next to her and the samosa in his small paper plate her mouth began to water , she waited for a while and again looked at the samosa it was half eaten and the customer contented got up and threw it into the wastebasket  , she went to the wastebasket, she waited a moment and  then bending  down  she picked up the half eaten samosa and ate it quickly before anyone could notice .

IV

It was afternoon , and the sun was shining down fiercely on the road , it was so hot that anyone who was outdoors  would have cursed that they were alive , Mrs M was lying down calmly on the roadside ,  she got up and looked all around she was hungry and penniless and she thought that it was time for her  finally to beg , but what if she were to be allowed to work at the teashop , she sat and thought and as the sun was calming down her thoughts too assembled themselves before her , she finally got up , and walked towards the chaiwala ( he was sitting and looking at her ) all confident and suddenly as the chaiwala saw her walk towards him , he got up and took a cylindrical piece  of wood a Belan with which he rolled the triangular shelves of samosas ,

” what do you want ” he shouted ” stay away from my shop you beggar ”

He waited , until her face slowly and slowly revealed to him , he noticed something similar , he kept the Belan from where he had picked it up and calming down tried to scratch his memory , he thought he remembered the face as if it was similiar to some other face ” oh memsahib ” he said to himself ” it Is Mr M’s wife and look in what shabby state she is ” as she came near to him , he  recognized by the look of her face that she was very hungry , he took  the cover off a plate in which were kept two to three pieces of samosas and offered it to her, she took it and relieved her hunger ” I am sorry but i have no money to give to you right now ” she said ” but I can work for you , clean the area , or even the plates please help me ”

Stuck between an overexcited and hopeless situation he listened to her story and  just for the respect he had for Mr M , offered her the job to  help him with the cleaning of the dishes .

V

The afternoon passed into evening and the evening  into night and the night with its darkness beckoned many more customers to the tea shop it was the passing group of  labourers from the nearby factories who on their way home , stopped at the tea shop to have a cup of tea and something to eat , Mrs M all bent on washing the glasses  , did not stop for a second she kept washing them as they came to her , sitting on a low stool next to the counter  , the chaiwala looked at her now and then and pitied her for the state in which she was .

In the morning Mrs M Woke up and walked towards the teashop and Saw the chaiwala hurry towards her , he suddenly looked up at her and struck his forehead , Mrs M Worried asked him what was the problem, he told her that it was impossible now for him to treat  her the  way he has been “ I cant let you clean the cups anymore I am sorry”

struck at what he had just said and the thought of again losing a roof above her head ,she in all anger and disillusionment shouted at him “ what do you mean , are you going to throw me out and where am I going to go , I have no place’’ she looked at him and began to cry

“I wont throw you out “  he said and seeing her inconsolable , he looked all around worried that people would doubt that he had harassed her in some way “please stop crying”

He took her into the teashop  and told her all his plans of letting her run the teashop and letting  him do the washing of the glasses. Surprised  at such a turn of events Mrs M went near to the chaiwala and hugged him , this act utterly ashamed him and he freed himself of her “ what are you doing Memsahib ,  how can you hug me ?”

Days went by and customers at the tea shop kept growing and even the income , The naive Chaiwala gave her all the freedom even to handle the accounts and keep all the money with her after all it was now she who ran the teashop and he her employee  , even known faces flocked around the shop  , her old neighbor the fat lady who rarely ate anything from outside now came to her everyday and ate three to four pieces of free samosas , she kept talking on and on about her own worries and her son and daughter in law whom she suspected  were now planning to throw her too out of her home “ Oh what will I do Mrs M , what will I do ? “
To this Mrs M added hypocritically  “ Oh nothing like that will happen believe in god and don’t worry ? “

VI

Mrs M was a diligent businesswoman , she gave no free hand and the prices went up after  a few days tea was now 7 rupees where  before it was 5 rupees, samosas were extra crispy and they were 8 rupees a piece where before they were 5 rupees , the people who walked by every day in the evening stopping at the tea shop now barely even looked at it, only a few people stopped by those who could have afforded it . And the samosas which were not sold continued to be kept at the counter staling each day under the hot sun

“ Memsahib , I think we should keep the old rates , see there are no customers’’ the chaiwala said “ and we should not be selling these stale samosas, I don’t think its right ‘’

Mrs M turned towards him and said “ I run this shop now , and this shop is only for those who have money in their pockets”  just as she said this two young boys came to the shop, she turned towards them and put the water  to boil , in the next few seconds  the water came flaring up and she added a handful of tea  leaves into it , and began to stir , next she added  half a glass of milk to it , she stirred it all up and added two teaspoons of sugar into it , the boys looked at all this and the art with which she made tea delighted them

“ this tea is really tasty “ they said “ you surely know how to make tea are you his wife’’ they asked

“ No, no he is just  my servant’’ she repied “I run this shop’’she declared with full confidence , after the boys had left she turned towards S and said  “ now you see , these are the type  of customers I want at my shop those who have money in their pockets , not those smelly laborers’’

That evening no one came to the shop , the laborers had chosen some other tea shop a mile away to have their tea , and the samosas which were four days old began to rot the smell it gave off was so unbearable that Mrs M had to throw them to the stray dogs , and even they ran away from it , hardly anyone came , and those who came had  three to four  cups of tea , but they were people with money in their pockets and there were very less people from this group who would prefer to have their tea at a rundown  teashop.

After a few days with no money in his pocket the chaiwala decided that he would have to speak to Mrs M about this , “ Mrs M we need to bring down the prices , this shop as it is was meant for people like me, not for the rich , why Mrs M Don’t you see that no one comes , “ Mrs M looked  at him and felt that he was right “ Yes lets sell at the old price “ , the old price board was hung up from the tree that stood right next to the tea stall , And slowly in a few days people began to come to the tea shop , there was huge demand for Mrs M’s samosa but her behavior was intolerable she shouted at the laborers who came to the  shop in the evening , for she demanded money before serving them , all this didn’t go well and after a few days again the laborers stopped coming,  Mrs M was unmoved she said that it served them right and they stunk like hell which was intolerable to her “ oh those smelly bastards it served them right they have no standards , they were meant to eat those half cooked samosa from that shabby tea shop it really serves them right , those rotten dogs can only eat rotten food not my crispy and well made samosas  “

The chaiwala disturbed looked at Mrs M and reckoned that it was obviously his own mistake , that she was not at all Like Mr M and has indeed become a curse for him now , he would have to look for some other alternative , after a few days with no one to come to their shop The Chiwala made his escape at night , and ran to the other tea shop where the laborers were now  stopping  for their evening tea he pleaded the owner to give him some job whatever he could

Mrs M woke up the next day and found the chaiwala gone she waited with only two or three customers to come till the afternoon , and finally began to swear  at the top of her voice , she thought for a while and then when the evening came she followed the herd of laborers to the other teashop which was just a few paces away  , and there she saw him sitting on a low stool and cleaning glasses , she hid from  him at first and then slowly and slowly sneaked behind him prodding him on the shoulders ,he turned to look at who it was  and was shocked to find Mrs M Standing , he didn’t utter a word at first but giving her a scared look  followed her back to his  tea shop , where getting back to the old  stool he began to clean the glasses that were left by the customers in the morning , it was inevitable he thought all evening to rid himself of her , she loomed like a shadow over him , even at nights she was woken up by slight noises which were not made by him, but that inevitable fear that he would again run away was always at the back of her mind, he would wake up at nights and sit up thinking there was no money , how would he send money to his mother back home at the village , he would look at her appallingly  “ Oh what a misery this women is’’ , but slowly and slowly there came much more transformations in him , he began to go mad with hunger whatever money was earned was not enough , and Only Mrs M could quench her hunger from it, The chaiwala felt misery and anger punching at him all around his body , he wanted to wipe her out kill her somehow , but he was afraid , he was afraid that she would somehow overpower him and kill him instead in such thoughts the chaiwala sat on the  low stool  the whole day cleaning glasses and thinking intermittently , but instead of performing his duties , he would at times turn back and look at Mrs M and at times feeling that now she was in a vulnerable position , he would move towards her , with an intention to finish her off , but her sharp ears would sense his presence even a few feets away and she would turn back with an ugly look all over her face

“ Are you mad get back  and don’t you come near me  what’s gone into your head I can sense it now your dirty intentions “

He would get  back to the stool and sit there without any work , at least if he had some work he would focus on it , so that he could submerge the growling hunger which kept tearing him from inside , on that night while  trying to sleep , the chaiwala felt something wrong as , if it was not sleep that was making him feel so dull  , even his hands and feet began to go cold , and he felt as if the earth underneath was pulling him in he tried to sleep but now even his head felt heavy and finally when he was asleep it was like freedom , in the morning Mrs M was early for work, she had served three to four cups of tea , the most she had in the past few months , the customers paid her double for the delicious tea , but The Chaiwala had still not turned up for work  , she went to the  place where he  slept and standing right upon  his mattress shouted at the dead man , she again shouted  at the top of her voice now more despotic  but despite several attempts he kept lying on it like a dead man

“ So you are really annoyed aren’t you “ she surmised the dead man and laid her hand over his forearm  “ get up now “ but he wouldn’t no matter how hard she tried at last she touched his forehead again and felt that he was absolutely cold , even on such a hot day his forehead hadn’t a bead of sweat on it , and  he wasn’t even breathing   , she ran up to her tea stall and saw the sweeper standing there waiting for a cup of tea , he smiled as soon as he saw her , and leaned the long broom  on of the cane  beams that  supported the metallic roof of the teastall

“ Are you all right Memsahib’’ she was lost in her thoughts looking at some point on the floor as if her second husband , had passed away , he went up to her and crouched on the floor

“ are you alright Memsahib’’

woken up by the smell of strong paan mixed with tea that he had recently drank

she replied “oh he is dead, I don’t know how but he is dead’’

“ who is dead ?’’

“the chaiwala his forehead is cold and he is not breathing  ”

The sweeper raised himself from the ground and taking his broom which skidded along the dust filled road went to the place where the  chaiwala slept and observe the dead body , the strong heat pinched him all around , but the chaiwala was cold and dead, his eyes closed  seemed as if they were  looking  up at the sky  for some answer for which he will be waiting forever  , the sweeper walked back to the teashop and asked for something to eat

“ How did he die’’ he asked her eating a biscuit , when two or three more customers came to the shop

“ I do not know , he was alright yesterday , but in the morning he was dead”

“ Must have been a heart attack” the sweeper declared with all the experiences he had all these years , it felt to him that heart attack was the only way people passed away at night in their sleep, but there was no feeling of alarm

The same day in the evening Mrs M’ s son came to the shop and sat next to another group of men who were slowly sipping their cup of tea , he looked at them and asked Mrs M for a cup of tea , though she was busy with preparation  for another group of labourers  who would land up at her shop anytime now ,  but aghasted to see her own son in such a state she rushed up to him “ what wrong with you son ? , how did you come to such a state “ , he looked up at her and asked her again for a cup of tea without any real response from her “ a cup of tea “ his darkly stubbled face  moved while his cheeks shallowed and his eyes which looked  lifeless , there was an overall look of a madman about him , which tortured the motherly impulses of Mrs M , she quickly gave in and began to cry , a group of men rushed up to her and began to enquire , the matter was not to be blown out of proportion so her son told her again to get him a cup of tea , she went inside the shop and poured tea into a fresh paper cup , and quickly rushed to her son , he snatched the fully filled cup from her spilling some on the ground and gulped down its whole contents  in a go ,but after a while  he still looked Dissatisfied and began to scratch his beard in A disillusioned way , she sat next to him and again asked

“ Oh son what happened to you “ ?  but having finished his tea he got up  from where he sat and without any replies just walked away towards the opposite direction crossing the street entering the colony where Mrs M’s house was , a house from where she was thrown away a few months back , she went and sat back at the counter  withdrawn from all her activities , she had no heart to prepare tea for the remainder of the evening but the thought of her son in such a state had shook her lifeless , now she thought of going back to her house in the morning , but to her own surprise her son returned to the shop in the morning , a look of total disaster waved about him as if all grace had left him , he looked like a real madman , the shirt he wore had no top buttons and it was too tight around his stomach which fell like a mound over his nickers which too was too short for him , he came and sat next to the tea shop on the ground , a thick breeze  was blowing, and he looked as if he enjoyed the breeze which waved like a happy declaration of something really good to come , he got up from where he sat and asked his mother for a cup of tea , she served him hot tea and gave him something to eat too from a glass jar , she looked at him as he ate and then closing his eyes and dozed off his head was heavy with all the  misery he had gone through for the past few weeks

VII

When he woke up after two hours , there were no customers at the shop his mother sitting all alone at the counter was looking at him , she went up to him , and in a worried voice asked him , “ what is wrong with you son ? why you look like a beggar , look at your eyes she felt his eyes which had dark circles around them and from inside you could look at the horror of his mind “ I don’t have any home mother , my wife threw me out after I lost my work ,and now here I am coming to you every evening and morning  for a cup of tea , you know I just roam around  the colony sometimes sleeping under a tree or sometimes right outside the  opposite  departmental store, after father died nothing has been alright , nothing”

The horror in his eyes revealed the reality in which they lived , yes nothing had been alright since Mr M had left , a whole house crumbled down , and someone new had occupied it , this new women , with her new husband , would create another reality ,another day , which too will be full of worthlessness .

A LETTER FROM THE DEAD

The pale faced man

Must have passed away In his sleep

Without a rest when he was alive

He must have died

Peacefully in his sleep

The gathering outside his home

Makes a meanful look

Their embarrassed faces

Their bowed heads

Their lean figures

Sadly they speak of his greatness

Though many knew he drank too much

and smoked night and day

he grew accustomed to the way he lived

until the day death took him away

though many wished he would stay a little long

but many wished if death Would just take him away

out of all those his fat wife

who payed for his liquor and smokes

and she too cried that day .

Daily Prompt: Laughter

via Daily Prompt: Laughter

LAUGHTER 

Mr P hadn’t laughed for the past few years nor had he smiled , there was always one look on his face the look of amazement which was followed by the look of extreme cowardliness . Both these looks had their own Quota of shares , but it was after all the problem with his mind it was what was coming to his mind that was the biggest problem , in his mind the stairs of thoughts progressed from deep down , deep down somewhere , from a place he himself hadn’t any clue of ,

” one litre?”

He didnt have to think it came readily to his lips ” yes ”

“and how are you doing today ?”

he thought for a while  and replied ” i am good ” Mr P felt awkward and looked right and left feeling a  bit shy at being talked to

The shopkeeper handed him the two packets of milk , and gave him the change , walking back Mr P kept thinking of something , and when he reached home he kept the packets of milk in the refrigerator , And went back to  the outer room,  he sat on his sofa and fell asleep

he had a strange dream , of falling down and down into a blank space while the fall never came he was  woken up by the sound of a knock on the door  ,Mr P getting up tightened the knots of his pajama  , and moved towards the door , it must be her he thought and with expectation he went up to the door , it was his wife.

“What are you looking at” she asked ” let me through ”  and walked into the room forcefully

“Did you get the milk”

“Yes i did its in the fridge ”

“It’s 6 pm , When will the time stop”  he whispered  to himself

since his retirement it had just kept moving on and on without a stop, or without a meaning , he looked at his wife and felt the feeling grow up in him , he went up to his sofa and sat down . Mr P was beginning to fall asleep again when his wife came up to him and pressed his shoulder,

” What is the matter with you are you all right ”

”  yes  ” he said  when the bell was heard , ding dong , she rushed to it and saw Mr S standing through the spy hole

She hadn’t seen or heard from him for the past few days , and expecting some change to this dull enviroment she opened it

“Hello , how are you ”

” where is he ” Mr S asked

” Oh he just sits there on his sofa throughout the day I dont know whats gone with him , all dull and lazy since the day of the retirement ”

Mr S with his long legs and narrow figure walked up to his friend and with the smell of betel nut in his mouth he told Mr P to  ” cheer up pal  ? ”

Mr P looked up at S and remembered that long ago this same man was different and there was a look of liveliness on this same ugly face , the jokes and feeling of friendhip which radiated in his actions at that time were quite diffrent why did it all seem so cheap now , so below the standards and more hypocritical

Mr S held P’s hand and ran his own hand through it smoothly ” now you have been sittting here for the whole week , you are having a cabin fever , lets go now ”

” where ?”

” anywhere you want ”

Mr S laid back his head on the sofa and closed his eyes , and immediately got up ” lets go then ”

Outside the sound of bicycle bells and children playing were rushing all around , even the sound of cars and the smell of pollution in the air marked a feeling of decay which further dissolved Mr P’s problems , he waited a while leaning on the pillar right outside the building in which he lived , he was coming out to the same scenery every day , every evening , the scenery of a grey evening cloud ,  of shops selling random items , of women talking in shrill tone to their neighbors , and to the dog who slept all day under the shade of the same tree.

” Whats the matter P you dont look well ? ”

P Turned to him with a lying smile and said ” oh I am alright dont worry ” there was a sudden pause , and they both looked at the park which was right outside his apartment.

“so ? ” Mr S asked

” I have lots of plans man , first I want to ………………”

” yes you want to ? ” the smile which was growing On S’s face was quite sinister , full of expectation of something really vulgar and deprecating ” come on get out with it ”

“i want to go home ” a feeling of perspiration and something pressing at his neck ran through him , he was near to choking  but turned around and climbed the steps pressing the bell he expected his wife to open it , but it took time he pressed again when finally his wife opened it , he went inside and sat on his sofa ,

” where’s Mr S” his wife asked

” I do not know probably gone back home ” he kept sitting on the sofa and his wife went back to the kitchen and began preparing the dinner , the smell of mustard and red chillies frying in the pan sifted right up to him he caught it and released it as soon as it opened inside him .

He tried  falling asleep ,but couldn’t because whenever he tried to he would be woken up he would be woken up by a feeling of falsehood , that he wasn’t actually sleepy and   that all things were a lie that he didnt want to sleep at all and it was all without any purpose  . The dinner was prepared , his wife told him to wash his hands and come to the dinner table.

Ding dong the bell rang , Mr P woke up and rubbed his eyes he straightened himself , seeing that his wife had already left he went to the door and opened it , finding S the maid standing there , she was directly looking at the floor and was always this shy when Mr P went to open it without his T Shirt or shirt on ” Come In S ”

‘ she came in and went to search for the broom in the kitchen , finding it there she began sweeping the floor , after 5 minutes she came to Mr P and looking at the floor asked
” Sir ”

” yes ?” he looked at her adjust her hair to stay behind her left ear which kept falling right infront of her eye ,

she looked at him with a smile  on her face .

”Here’s a piece of paper ”

he took it it was in a very bad shape torn at the edges , he opened it fully and saw his wive’s handwriting in it

Dear P

I am leaving with Mr S we have been so close to each other for the past few months , since the day you lost interest in me and life , nothing has been good , I hope you understand

Good bye

r***** p*****

He read it twice and in confusion thrusted it right onto the face of The maid ” what is this ?” he asked all angrily

she took it from his hand and began looking into it ” I cant read this its in english ? ”

Mr P looked at her for a while , he could hardly  feel the ground below his feet and when he looked back at his maid she was still looking at him as if in expectation of something

” What are you standing here for ? ”

Angry at being shouted at for no reason she threw the broom on the floor and walked out of the house

Mr P kept standing for a while all at a loss he looked at the clock it was 7 pm his wife had still not returned home from work ,worried he went to the phone and dialed her number ,three beeps were followed by a message that the phone was not in service . The exclamation on his face was a long one he walked  up to his chair and sat on it he waited the whole night for his wife and at 12 pm locked  his house and walked down the steps ,he was hungry confused and nervous . Nervous to go to his neighbors what would they think of him ,it would be such a shame they would laugh at his misery .

Already he knew that they thought of him as a looser . A man who cant handle his wife . He walked down the empty road filled with a dozen thoughts which he could not handle even the possibility of finding his wife seemed a bleak prospect now .

Wherever she was now ,there was darkness and P thought that darkness was the end of all possibility and sense. Sense was in his own home on his own sofa he walked with this thought for a while

When suddenly Mr S parked his scooter right in front of his home and seeing Mr P searching for something on the road came up to him and asked

“What are you looking for? ”

“I can’t remember” he said” i read a piece of paper which my maid gave to me and then I rushed out of my home ”

“Where is the paper?”

“At home” P said ” I kept it somewhere , I will go back and look for it ” Mr S took out his phone and began to type something , P was now sure that S was least interested of went on P’s Life , he hadn’t walked so far from S’s Home when he turned back and saw his wife standing and laughing away shamelessly at S’s joke although all his jokes were vulgar and humorless , he looked at this woman and had no memory of her  , who was she he thought might be a new nieghbor .

He recognized his housemaid while walking back home she was Standing  and looking at him from a distance, maybe she had even smiled at him  . There were kids playing in the park and sound of crickets inside The bushes which bordered it  ,the heat of the summer night and whistling of some pressure cooker further increased the Vaccuity of that evening , S climbed the steps of his Apartment opened the door to his room and forgetting that he had to look for the paper went back and sat on his sofa , thinking what to do next he took the remote from the table next to him .

It was JIM CAREY on HBO and looking at the frozen streaks of discharge hanging from JIM CAREY’S nose  , P couldn’t control his laughter he laughed out loudly , it was first time after 6 months that he had finally laughed and all without any reason , he wished now for his maid to come back home in the morning and clean his home , he wished now to wake up next morning and find something really new and interesting to do .

JIM Had finally saved him that evening from further walking down the nothingness road.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Rising Tide

via Daily Prompt: Tide

Regrets of past

and the days of present

make up a lot of how i look

some days I forget

some days I seek

My life towards a sweet release

the natural tide which it each day faces

is a conglomeration of my sad realease

the natural tide which it each day faces

are its realisation of how bad it is

the natural tide which it each day faces

are the mirrors of a poor society

much poorer than me

Oh how do I seek my release

oh how do I seek my release

against this natural tide which I each day seek

a tide rising higher and higher as i proceed