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Bullied

I notice some faces infront of me everyday,
I notice them each day freezed in time,
But i dont recogonize mine,
Cause i dont exist in their cells .

I sit separately on a chair –
sharing emptiness next to me-
an emptiness of space and feelings
they do look at me at times,
but only to look away .

Grabbing my head he slaps me twice
and then calls me ugly names,
but i wait and recogonize it is not my fault
but theirs ,
they can’t take whats different and I am
not like them .

He laughs again the boy who caused me
all the shame ,
he laughs and knows that he is a kleptomaniac,
but still teachers accuse me for all the fault is mine –
the guy with the tanned skin –
has no worth in their eyes .

But i know someday i will slip away
through all the abuse and shame,
I can feel it in my fingers this Bullying
wont last when i finally slip away-
from their hands.

That classroom is just an empty space .


OUTISDE – INSIDE

I am deeper than I thought,
I am more complex,
Let me remember how lucky,
Deeper than I thought,

Breathing heavily I take on life-
Breathing wearily I Stop
But at such moments I am determined to go on –
I am complete when I am me

I own my face
I own my eyes
I own my life
I am better than most who have nothing
I am better than the worst I could have been –
I wake up each day and I am Impressed.

DEDICATED TO – JACQUI  SABURIDO , TURIA PITT , KATIE PIPER AND MORE
 

Love At The Time Of Coronavirus PART III

She is Missing . I go without Amiss to the Balcony , but I dont see her where is she ? I cant even ask the other people In Her house , I barely know them.

What would they think ? ” Why is he asking ? ”

Time flies away days without a journey, days without any meaning . Anxiety purely runs along my flesh , Depression that life has come to such a stand . there’s no escape wherever you go The Virus is everywhere .

Dad bends over a book reading, he has been trying to keep himself busy , apart from the office work we do in the Afternoon till the Evening . We are waiting to head back to office and desperately need to plan out something .

Where is she ? Her small face, those bushy eyebrows her perfect hair tied in a pony at the back, the smile which contained so much brilliance , Where is she ? Has she locked herself Inside ?

The evenings have nothing special when I would see her standing on her balcony with her little Nephew in her arms, The Kid would look at me Cooing – calling me out and she too would turn and look at me .

But Where is she ? she cant be sitting in her home the whole day . Oh I am sure she needs a Break Now and Then when she would come to her Balcony and stare at the scenes outside.

I desperately Need to look at you . See you . Where are You ? The sun was up Fiercely i stood in the balcony Silence mixing with heat , Boring and Listless streets . But you filled all this up With JOY with EXPECTATIONS .

She is Missing Time that Lies has took her Away . And i wait desperately to know her Address.

LOVE AT THE TIME OF CORONAVIRUS- PART 2

Its raining outside smooth cool breeze is blowing since morning, giving a relief over the hot weather that had prevailed over us for the past few days .

People walk on the streets their masks sheltering them from the virus . An elderly man passed away due to the Virus , But like before nobody is collecting before his house People just want to be safe this is the new Normal.

Her small face, her eyes fill with joy as she enjoys the cool weather outside, she can hardly think of anything else but the cool wind which lightens up her face lightens her up too .

I look at her from the corner of my eye she knows that I am looking ,P the Handsome boy stands on his balcony but she is not looking at him . 

The only thing that she cares for today is the wonderful weather the rain that has set from the heavens( Especially for her ) my heart beats without a stop today she looks more beautiful.

There is something in her that does not reveal itself it is there in her eyes, her face , her hair, the magic ,the intelligence that is hidden . In the afternoon with her nephew in her arms he enjoys her company, the company i crave for 

How do I express it ? I am just confused . Maybe she knows it and is hiding it maybe she wants me to say it .But how do I ?

Her house is next to mine separated by a small road 

Even the afternoon heat cannot take her from my thoughts . Hot Humid nights when I lie down to sleep, I think of her . What must she be doing ? Maybe studying or off to sleep Does she think of me when she lays her head on her Pillow.

‘What is her name ? ‘ I can imagine a thousand names , but none will suit her . Only her real name will .

The Page Is Blank

The page has Been left blank,

With nothing to write,

Thoughts and Thoughts,

But nothing to put down on Paper,

My feelings tend to originate

But looking down the road they disappear somewhere

Each day a thousand moments,

Each day a small inch, a small inch towards tomorrow

What do I write,

What do I write,

The page has been left blank today

Love At the Time of Coronavirus

Its been two months I’ve been locked inside my home, It gets claustrophobic at times and at other times the Feeling of a dark future like being locked inside forever , without having any freedom to get out or even have a freedom to let yourself Out on the streets without having the fear of The Virus attaching to yourself from somewhere out of the blue.

If you look at it through my eyes The Virus is everywhere just waiting to attach itself to someone , its like its on the walls, its on the Hands of the Genral store from whom you buy your Groceries everyday . The Bleak day just moves on without any adventure or anything to look forward to People sit inside their homes THE WORK FROM HOME THING but this is not life , its not at all like what it used to be 5 months back .

But I have my time table I get up in the morning do my exercise , do my classical music Riyaz and then in the afternoon do my office work , times just moves on THE BUBBLE HAS SURROUNDED ME PRETTY WELL , But somewhere out on the streets Migrant labours are walking miles and miles to reach their home , Migrant Labours walking thousands of miles withoyt any food or water , The Bubble suddenly breaks and you are out of it on to the reality that Life Is Dark and Thankless.

In a country like India where corruption is Rampant and Religious Wars between communities of two different Religions happen everyday that too Sponsored by Govt of India , then the migrants and their suffering all comes out of a sense that they are meant to suffer .

Everyday In the evening I go on to the roof of my house and read my Novel , This Novel I began to read at the start of the Lockdown and Now I am almost done reading it . But Still this could be taken as another way to create a Bubble to escape from the reality of life in India.

From my rooftop you can almost see everything The people who are walking down on the streets waring their masks , you can hear noises from the surrounding houses , And from My Roof i saw her , she was wearing a Black Top and Pyjamas , Her small little face with its eyes almost separately forcing themselves out of their sockets , and When she looks at you it is as if she is expecting something .

I looked at her and she looked back at me , Now everyday in the evening I don’t only go to my roof to read my novel but also to look at her and small face the smile which at times comes on to it and the large eyes almost forcing themselves out of their sockets . But she does look a lot better when she wears Salvar – Kameez .

It wasn’t soon when I noticed that she would look at me through the corner of her eyes only stealing a glance now and then , Making the hair of my body rise from Excitment and I am in love with her . I now surely know that she likes. So my visit to the rooftop has become a very special occasion,

ITS CORONAVIRUS AND I AM IN LOVE – the sky sings , the blue clear sky which is without a trace of pollution , the heart is beating fast – When suddenly enter the Villain, P Had to come he is the Villain, the handsome looking boy , who lives opposite to her, And I see that now she looks at him and not me .

I would still visit my rooftop Expectantly but now she doesn’t notice me She waits For him to come out on his Balcony.
AND HE DOES COME OUT ONLY TO BREAK MY HEART

CORONAVIRUS- THE DEATH ALARM FOR THE POOR OF INDIA

aThe  ATM was empty except for a security guard, who sat inside on  his chair. My dad went in to withdraw cash , when a man came and stood outside he too wanted to withdraw cash, seeing the other ATM Machine free , he went inside the but was told by the Security Guard to wait outside “ Only one person at a time due to coronavirus”

When Dad came outside another man came on his bycycle parked it outside under the shade of a tree

He asked if there was any money in the Machine I told him there is, and he nervously walked towards the ATM , and began talking to the Security Guard who was now standing outside, pouring water from a Bottle into his mouth and spitting it outside everywhere don’t know why maybe cleaning Betel Nut Waste in his mouth .

He began talking in  A Very Harsh tone to the Poor Guy asking him Why he wanted to withdraw cash and now and then looking closely at his clothes and his overall Appearance , calculating his worth it was a very abusive and egoistic tone , I could make it out even after standing at a good distance from them.

“ Guard saab I don’t know how to withdraw money please help “

“ Why should I ? “

He looked confused at the sudden nonsensical Question throw at him , he looked down at the ground not knowing what to say to the Guard who wore a saffron mark on his forehead and a slight pony tail.

“ Okay wait for a few minutes , I want to have my lunch “

All this time , I was standing at a distance looking at it all play out , confused I looked at my dad and called out to the Man he was standing outside waiting Under the Hot Sun. He Came up to us, My dad asked him what was the problem. He Told us and I offered to help him out and walked with him towards the ATM

The guard saw us walk inside , he was not wearing a mask endangering life of people who were coming to the ATM .

I told him to insert The Card into the Machine , he didn’t know how to , so I showed it to him. We were both fixed on the task at hand and did not hear the Guard calling us from behind. “ Only one person at a time in the ATM Pease “ he repeated it 2-3 times when we finally heard him shouting angily at the top of his voice.
“ Don’t you hear me ?”

I turned around and asked him what was the problem. The Guard seeing I was a youngster continued in his surly tone with me and told me to exit the ATM as only person is allowed inside at a time due to Coronavirus. I asked him to allow me to and help the Poor Guy withdraw cash.

At this he turned to the Poor fellow with me and began shouting at him “ How dare you ? I told you to wait didn’t you hear me ? Are you stupid ? “

I couldn’t bear this I asked him to calm downand what was there to shout about so much

“ Just get out” he said

“ You have no right to talk to anyone that way and I am here to help this Poor Guy and then I will leave “ I sensed myself loosing to the Growing anger inside me, I think I had as I too was shouting back at him .

“ You are not allowed do that “ he said

“ But you denied to help him, do you expect someone to wait all the while , while you get through your lunch ?” I Said.

My dad must have heard all the commotion he came towards the Atm and walked inside , The Guard kept up with his Angry and Abuse tone , shouting at the Poor Fellow.

Maybe the Guard carried an Idea in his mind , an ideology that here was a poor fellow infront of him , and he A Security Guard wheaty complexioned a little better off than the poor guy here – so he has a full right, to behave whatsoever way he liked with a Poor Fellow, who could not Declare his rights as he didn’t know if he had any or maybe was treated all his life like a man without any rights , just because of his social standing

Its coronavirus and people have still not learnt anything , its even more depressing why are we so locked up in only caring about ourselves, like This Security Guard. A Secuirty Guard of SBI Bank ATM ,Who was stationed there to help people but after seeing someone from the most Poorest and Weakest section of the society in need of help. He decided not to help, he decided or thought this was his only chance to harass to Crush and Display his ego over a poor guys. which is depressing and Sad.

We disregard the poor in our society, we live in well built houses and when the poor have no money or food, we eat well.

Indian Policemen Weild their Lathis beat the hell out of the poor people just because they step out of their houses to get food , Just because they wish to get back to their Villages to their Homes . WOULD THESE SAME POLICEMEN WIELD THEIR LATHIS ON RICH AND WEALTHY WHEN THEY GET OUT OF THEIR HOUSES DURING LOCKDOWN

So lets step forward and help the poor who is Totally Helpless, if we see one poor who needs help lets help that person out, Lets not live with our Ego’s and Ignore the poor .

Lets just be someone who is good , UNLIKE LIKE SOME HINDI AND ENGLISH NEWS CHANNELS IN INDIA WHO SPREAD HATRED AGAINST PEOPLE FROM A PARTICULAR RELIGION OF OUR COUNTRY EVERY DAY EVERY NIGHT HEIGHTENING THE HATRED IN THE HEART OF PEOPLE WHO WATCH THESE NEWS CHANNELS AND GET INFLUENCED

Lets Help and be Good during these trying times of CORONAVIRUS .

Lost Opportunity

I slowly see you slip away
While I sit and pretend
When the day ends i forget you
But the dawn brings back your memory
I pretend all is fine
But each day pretending
The Morning slips away
The evening too and The Night
But with the morning I am again a Man
Thinking the whole day As Left
Nothing is left
The whole day passes away before my eyes
I see you slip away again
And your Smile fade away

Living with a lie &
Lost opportunities
Smiling at fortune which is dead right before him
and is no more there
And she has passed on to someone else

Corona War Thoughts From India

Stuck in this house
I and my thoughts
Slowly breaking me
I hear voices of people outside .
But i dont know them
I can see them from my roof sometimes
See her stare at my indecisions
Life right now or tomorrow
Anxiety chipping away at my bones
Arent we all stuck
But where are others , i dont see them
I only see her stare at me sometimes

Listening to Television not looking
Corona corona politicians lying
We are testing enough
The poor get their bones broken
Lathis cracking them wide open
But its alright aint no matter they’ve always had it
That’s Normal
Injustice and Chaos amidst Death and illness